Driving Under the Influence of Crack

There is a new kind of terror on the road.

It makes drunk driving and road rage look like kindergarten squabbles.

Beware of those who drive with...

CRACKS IN THEIR WINDSHIELDS! (dramatic musical interlude)


Yesterday coming back from a lovely coffee with friends, I was talking on my cell phone when I glance up and see flashing blue lights in my rearview. I immediately hang up, and glance at my speedometer. 68. Definitely under the posted 70 and far under the typical 90 that most Mississippians drive.

Another quick glance at my registration...up to date. What the hell?

Did they change the law again? Is it now illegal to talk on your cell phone? That must be it. Dammit.

BUT NO....

"Maam, I pulled you over today because of the crack in your windshield"

(completely blank look back at him)

"That windshield will not pass Mississippi inspection."

At this point every muscle was tensed as I fought the urge to respond "OH, you mean the Mississippi Inspection where you pull up and hand $5 out the window to a toothless gentleman who hands you back an inspection sticker? That inspection?"

Had I said it, I can only assume he would have responded in the affirmative.

Then he asked for my license and insurance. I hand over my license, but sonofabitch, I never printed out the up-to-date insurance card. Dammit, and Mark was telling me just the other day to do it too. Bastard! I hate when he is right!

"Maam, did you know that failure to produce proof of insurance is a $1000 fine?"

"I have insurance, I promise. Here is the expired one (big smile. does this shirt show any cleavage? damn.)

"Maam, why do you have a Texas Registration and a Mississippi inspection sticker?"

(on a side note.....you get tired of typing out the name of this state after about two repetitions)

"Because we are in the military, and Texas is our state of residence (THANK GOD)"

"Please let me see your military ID"

sigh

"It is in my other purse. I have a USAA credit card" (another big smile.....maybe if I sort of push my arms together and lean over.)

"I will be right back"

HORSESHIT! I am totally going to get a $1000 ticket because I had a crack in my windshield. Nevermind the drivers that are zipping past me doing 20 over. Nevermind that it is LEGAL TO HAVE AN OPEN CAN OF BEER IN A VEHICLE. I am going to have to fork over $1000 because of a crack and some absentmindedness. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY.

Luckily, I just got a warning. So I am passing the warning on to you. COPS IN MS ARE SERIOUS ABOUT DRIVING WITH CRACK.